How can I help my friend?

[rosebee]

I have a very good friend who is *constantly* getting into major arguments with her husband.

Frequently they happen within earshot of their 4 year old & 10 month old daughters.

This has been happening for years - since before their first child was born. The way they're going they're going to end up separated/divorced within 5 years (or less).

I feel SOOO bad for their girls. The oldest is enough to be aware of what's going on, and has been known to ask my friend "mommy, no fighting today ok?" She's the sweetest little girl, and it just broke my heart when I first heard my friend tell me she said that.

I've already encouraged my friend to think up some ground rules for fights that she & her husband can agree on. If they can't stop fighting, then maybe at least they can try to fight fair. :/

It doesn't help that they have completely opposite approaches to conflict. He likes to get it all out there immediately and discuss it all. She needs time to process & think, and gets defensive when he keeps pressing an issue... this makes him mad and the argument explodes. I can't understand why the two of them haven't figured out a way to compromise around their disparate styles.

I've also tried to remind my friend that not only was the fighting not good for her, but it was setting an extremely bad example to her girls of what a healthy marriage/relationship is.

Any advice anyone has about what I might be able to do to help would be most welcome.

Comments

[rainbow]

the most you can probably do is encourage couples or family counselling. but it's on them to do anything; all you can do is encourage it.