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rosebeeThe good news is that the boyfriend got a phone call to schedule an interview. The bad news is that the phone call came from the place he drove 8 hours (back to where he used to live) last weekend to drop off a resume in person.
I've also made the discovery that when one is of the nature to plan one's future, in as far in advance as possible (though the plans may be nebulous), when something else comes pops up in life, it is *very* difficult to shift one's mental attitude.
I used to think that I'd be the type that would never find that guy I could fall in love with, share my soul with, and want to marry and be with for the rest of my life. I envisioned myself dating, and attempting to find that guy, but never succeeding. As such, I always pictured myself living in the town where I grew up, where all the family that's really important to me lives (and some family that's not so important to me). It took me a few years after college of living somewhere else to find my own feet in the world before I was comfortable coming back 'home' to this town. But, I'm here (and have been for almost a year), and I have a good job with a company I *really* like working for, and am happily learning lots of new things and advancing my career.
Then, about 8 months ago I met my boyfriend (as you are all aware, goodness knows I've babbled about it enough). It didn't take more than a couple of dates before I figured out that he was really special and I should make a point of holding on and never letting go. Then, 4 and a half months ago, when he was unemployed for the 5th straight month, and running out of money, his brother managed to convince him to move in with him and save some money while he continued to try and find a job. As time has gone by, we've gotten closer. Much closer.
However, now I'm faced with this giant dilemma. He is very likely going to move back to that town that's an 8 hour drive away. He needs a job that pays the bills, and it seems that all the jobs that are even remotely related to his field around here pay next to nothing, and they are so mundane that he says he'd be miserable doing them.
I can't financially afford to move right now. I don't have the money for a rental truck, nor do I have the money for a security deposit or first month's rent at a new place. I also really, really, really like my job here.
But, I also am pretty damn sure that I'll be miserable when my boyfriend moves away. And the boyfriend has said that he wants to go back to college, which he can/will start anywhere, he wants to finish up and get his degree from the university that's in the town where we are both currently living. So, he *thinks* that he'd only be away for a couple of years... but, what if his job won't allow him to work half or 3/4ths time, and will only allow him to work full-time. In that case, it'd take him 4 years to finish the first 2 years of college. I know for damn sure I wouldn't want to live away from him for that long. A year, maybe a year and a half, I think I could manage without losing my mind.
I also utterly & completely hate moving. With a passion. Can't stand it. When I moved back to this town almost a year ago, I specifically picked out an apartment that I knew I'd be comfortable living in for the next several years until I was ready to buy a house. Now I'm thinking about moving again (though it feels like I *just* moved), and giving up a job that I really like to follow my boyfriend (though I don't think I'll follow him until he's offically my finacee), to a town where I've barely visited once, and know absolutely no one.
The whole thought of all of this just scares me shitless.
But so does the thought of living without my boyfriend for 2 years (and anything longer than that, which is a real possibility is just unthinkable).
At the moment I'm attempting to think through why I'm so attached to this town and set on staying here. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have family here, I lived here until I was 12, and I went to college here. It's very familiar and comfortable to me. When I moved here a year almost a year ago, one reason was that I knew I'd have no hope of even finding a guy to date where I was living. I never thought I'd actually meet Mr Right, but I thought that I'd at least have a somewhat of a chance here. And here is also where my family is. I'm fairly close to my mom, we're good friends.
Being close to my family (in a physical/geographic sense, in addition to an emotional one) has always been important to me.
I suppose though, that it's time for me to start re-thinking my definition of family. Or at least expanding it to include one particular person and begin to move that one particular person to the position of highest importance. And in that context, it makes sense for me to move (once I can financially afford to do so, anyway).
I've also made the discovery that when one is of the nature to plan one's future, in as far in advance as possible (though the plans may be nebulous), when something else comes pops up in life, it is *very* difficult to shift one's mental attitude.
I used to think that I'd be the type that would never find that guy I could fall in love with, share my soul with, and want to marry and be with for the rest of my life. I envisioned myself dating, and attempting to find that guy, but never succeeding. As such, I always pictured myself living in the town where I grew up, where all the family that's really important to me lives (and some family that's not so important to me). It took me a few years after college of living somewhere else to find my own feet in the world before I was comfortable coming back 'home' to this town. But, I'm here (and have been for almost a year), and I have a good job with a company I *really* like working for, and am happily learning lots of new things and advancing my career.
Then, about 8 months ago I met my boyfriend (as you are all aware, goodness knows I've babbled about it enough). It didn't take more than a couple of dates before I figured out that he was really special and I should make a point of holding on and never letting go. Then, 4 and a half months ago, when he was unemployed for the 5th straight month, and running out of money, his brother managed to convince him to move in with him and save some money while he continued to try and find a job. As time has gone by, we've gotten closer. Much closer.
However, now I'm faced with this giant dilemma. He is very likely going to move back to that town that's an 8 hour drive away. He needs a job that pays the bills, and it seems that all the jobs that are even remotely related to his field around here pay next to nothing, and they are so mundane that he says he'd be miserable doing them.
I can't financially afford to move right now. I don't have the money for a rental truck, nor do I have the money for a security deposit or first month's rent at a new place. I also really, really, really like my job here.
But, I also am pretty damn sure that I'll be miserable when my boyfriend moves away. And the boyfriend has said that he wants to go back to college, which he can/will start anywhere, he wants to finish up and get his degree from the university that's in the town where we are both currently living. So, he *thinks* that he'd only be away for a couple of years... but, what if his job won't allow him to work half or 3/4ths time, and will only allow him to work full-time. In that case, it'd take him 4 years to finish the first 2 years of college. I know for damn sure I wouldn't want to live away from him for that long. A year, maybe a year and a half, I think I could manage without losing my mind.
I also utterly & completely hate moving. With a passion. Can't stand it. When I moved back to this town almost a year ago, I specifically picked out an apartment that I knew I'd be comfortable living in for the next several years until I was ready to buy a house. Now I'm thinking about moving again (though it feels like I *just* moved), and giving up a job that I really like to follow my boyfriend (though I don't think I'll follow him until he's offically my finacee), to a town where I've barely visited once, and know absolutely no one.
The whole thought of all of this just scares me shitless.
But so does the thought of living without my boyfriend for 2 years (and anything longer than that, which is a real possibility is just unthinkable).
At the moment I'm attempting to think through why I'm so attached to this town and set on staying here. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have family here, I lived here until I was 12, and I went to college here. It's very familiar and comfortable to me. When I moved here a year almost a year ago, one reason was that I knew I'd have no hope of even finding a guy to date where I was living. I never thought I'd actually meet Mr Right, but I thought that I'd at least have a somewhat of a chance here. And here is also where my family is. I'm fairly close to my mom, we're good friends.
Being close to my family (in a physical/geographic sense, in addition to an emotional one) has always been important to me.
I suppose though, that it's time for me to start re-thinking my definition of family. Or at least expanding it to include one particular person and begin to move that one particular person to the position of highest importance. And in that context, it makes sense for me to move (once I can financially afford to do so, anyway).
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-14 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 04:36 am (UTC)You know, that's what someone else told me, too! She said that I'd know the right thing to do when the time came.
I do have this very bad habit of overanalyzing things.
Perhaps I should be thinking on how not to think so much! ;)
{{hugs you back}}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-15 04:39 am (UTC)Perhaps I should be thinking on how not to think so much! ;)
Bwah! That should keep you busy for a while though ;) Hee!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-17 11:11 pm (UTC)