rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Waiting the 5 weeks for my hearing aid/audiologist appointment is trying my patience.

Now that I know there's something out there that may potentially help me hear better, and reduce the stress & strain I experience in my daily life I want to go try it out rightnowplsthx!

Hard to believe it's Wednesday already!

This past weekend was good - Saturday involved chores (laundry), shopping (Clinique, I was good & behaved myself to only replacing 3 things), and a birthday party for my ASL teacher's mom.

Sunday was Pilates in the morning, ASL practice in the afternoon, and then roller skating in the evening.

Because my legs were already tired from the pilates I did that morning, I could feel my legs muscles starting to complain after only a few laps. At one point even though I knew I was overdue for a break I pushed on to do just one or two more laps... and promptly fell on my ass when someone sped by me and startled me. Ah well. That was 3 days ago, and at least it hurts less than when I did the same thing 2 weeks ago.

I started my light box for my SAD as I was starting to notice the effects of getting too sleepy too early in the evening, and having difficulty actually waking up during the day. I love that just 15 or 20 minutes in front of the box can have such a great effect. Bonus of being on Cymbalta now is that I was able to start my light at the end of September instead of the end of August!

I've watched 1 episode each of Blue Bloods and Undercover. Undercover I'll give a few more episodes to see if I like it enough to continue, but Blue Bloods I'll be watching no matter what as Donnie Wahlberg is in it. :) As always Dancing With the Stars owns my soul on Monday and Tuesday nights!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Fact the first: I've been *really* exhausted the last few days.
Fact the second: I forgot to bring my lightbox to Idaho with me so I missed my normal time underneath the bright lights on Friday & Saturday mornings.
Fact the third: Last year at this time I was doing a full 2 hours of my lightbox, and having no tiredness and no trouble getting up in the morning.
Fact the fourth: I'm currently only doing an hour and a half of my lightbox, having insane trouble getting up in the mornings, and am exhausted & irritable.


I'm really thinking I need to do more of my lightbox. Granted, *part* of my tiredness is just the awful stressful busy weekend. But not all of it. And since we didn't do (hardly) *anything* for two full days, I would think that I'd be mostly recovered from the weekend by now.

So I'm gonna try more lightbox. I also need to exercise. In a bad way. I haven't gotten much exercise in a while, and my psychiatrist who treats me for my SAD is always telling me how good exercise is for it.

Maybe I'll do one of my balance ball dvds during the 30-45 minutes I have between the time I get home from work & HTB gets home from work. I think I'll also see if HTB wants to go for walk tonight (assuming it's not raining or anything).

Goal for tonight: 30 minutes of balance ball dvd or walk & start organizing/shredding all the piles of paper on my computer desk (step 1 in getting the desk ready to be moved several feet to attempt to make room in the 2nd bedroom for a 2nd computer & 2nd computer desk).
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Listening to everyone who walks by my office ask me what that thing is on my desk.

I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and for me I mainly get really really sleepy.
I use a light box in the mornings to make the sleepiness go away. I start early, around August. And until late November/early December I can get all the light time I need done at home before I leave for work.
In the last couple of weeks though I've had to bring my smaller travel light box in to the office to do my remaining light time.

And of course everyone is asking me about it.
It's really rather amusing.

My head boss knew what the light was for (his wife is a psychiatric nurse & they replaced all the flourescent lights in their house with special full spectrum lights for the same thing).

One coworker asked 'oh is that for that depression thing'... she knew generally what it was for.

But most everybody else has/had no clue. They ask what I'm doing, if I'm getting a tan, if I'm going blind from looking at the light, and etc. But mostly they just ask what's that, or what am I doing.
Then I go into my rote explanation "I get sleepy in the wintertime because the sun goes away, so I sit in front of this thing in the mornings and it helps wake me up".

I do *not* like labeling myself if I don't absolutely have to.
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I've made a couple of private entries this weekend, tracking what I thought were side effects from a new medication my doctor started me on (I started it on Saturday). The hope is that this winter I will have just as much energy & motivation to do things as I normally have (like in the late spring & summer). Hopefully it will also keep me from having to do quite so much time with my lightbox each morning.

Well the last couple of days I've been just a sloth. No energy to do much of anything. I've had weird soreness in my quadricep muscles, too. I chalked it all up to strange side effects.

Turns out I was wrong. I increased my light from 20 minutes to 30 minutes this morning. I had enough energy to get the dishes almost done (if I had more time I'd wash the big things that won't fit in the dishwasher). And I've almost got the laundry put away. I think the sore muscles are nothing more than my body telling me I need to get out and exercise. I'm going to go for a good walk at lunch, and we'll see what that does. I might even pull out an exercise dvd when I get home from work tonight.
I have energy, and bounciness!! :D

I wish I had figured this (that I needed more time on my lightbox) out on Saturday! I could've gotten a lot more done! I thought about going for a bike ride (or rather I thought it'd be nice), but it never progressed beyond that stage. It's supposed to sprinkle today, and I still haven't bought fenders for my bike so I'm not bicycling in to work today (plus if I was I should've left the house 25 minutes ago).

I like having energy!! It's a nice feeling! :)
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
No bike ride to work for me. I thought about it, but as I've signed up to give blood this afternoon (as the local bloodmobile is at my workplace today), I figured that would be the bestest idea I've ever had. I'm usually a bit tired the after I've given blood, and the thought of biking home (even 3 hours afterwards) was not one I was looking forward to.

But tomorrow's Saturday, and I think I'm *finally* going to get out and try a bike ride with the padded bike shorts I bought... actually, wait a second...cut for possible TMI ). I think I can still do it, but it'll require judicious planning and a close watch of the time.
I'll have to try and get out earlier in the day as it's supposed to get up to almost 90 by the end of the day tomorrow.

No clue what I did with my power bill. My computer (via Quicken) tells me it's due veryverysoon. Thank GOD I got an account setup online a month or two ago so I can just go hop on there and pay my bill. :)

I should be in the shower already. I really, really need to move my lightbox onto my computer desk (instead of the kitchen table where it's currently residing). Then I'd be able to check news, LJ, email & everything in the mornings. And still get in the shower on time. That'd be good.

SAD's doing ok. Still at the 15 minutes a day I started on Saturday (8/13 - or was it Friday the 12th?). Not so easy getting up this morning as it was yesterday. Very peculiar. I'm thinking about increasing my time to 20 minutes this weekend. See if it helps me get up more easily. I'm doing ok with staying awake (after 15-30 minutes of being up), and I haven't been getting sleepy during the day (like I was last week before I started my lightbox). So all those are good signs!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I'm still holding out hope that some way or another we'll get video or audio of Chris's surprise performance last night.

I can't wait to hear what he sounded like!
Even an eye-witness report would be good!!! :)

::continues crossing all available body parts::


In other news the lightbox time finally kicked in and I managed to get up on time with my alarm! No snooze button required!! ::is pathetically proud of this accomplishment::

I also found the energy to bike to work this morning. I was thinking about it last night, and at that time just the thought about doing so was making me tired! Though, to be fair, it was dark out that *always* makes me want to immediately curl up and go to sleep.
I'm a firm believer that the world should adjust it's schedule to allow me to sleep as much as I want in the winter hibernate. ::nods:: Though then I'm left with no day left in which do do *anything*. And that sucks. Thus the lightbox.

I have a lunch meeting. With a bunch of other cpa's, almost all of whom are still in public accounting. At last month's meeting I was the *only* non-public accounting one there. And that always makes me feel like a failure. At least at this month's meeting there'll be at least 1 (and maybe 2 or 3) others like me who aren't in public accounting.
Every now and then I wonder how long it'll take me to not feel like I failed at public accounting...
Logically, I know it wasn't a good fit for me & my personality, but there's still part of me that feels I should've been able to succeed there. :/ I'll get there (emotionally) someday, I'm sure of it. I think I just need a bit more distance (it seems 8 months isn't quite enough time to purge those particular feelings).
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I was good and biked in to work today! :)

I've also started my lighbox (on Saturday morning). Just 15 minutes a day, but it's already helping a lot. I can actually manage to get out of bed when the alarm goes off (as opposed to barely being able to drag myself out of bed after the 2nd or 3rd snooze button). I don't remember ever needing to start my lightbox so early, but this is the first time in a couple of years that I haven't had a window in my office.

I had such a wonderful weekend. I don't quite know why it's taken me this long to get to updating LJ. I thought about doing so several times over the weekend, but laziness took over.

I had a really good lazy weekend. Didn't have to go anywhere or do anything, it was just a lovely kick-around-the-house kind of weekend. The only thing it was missing was my dear hubby-to-be. :( I'm going to take a few extra days off around Labor Day weekend and go see him. It'll be fun! I'm really, really, really looking forward to it!!!


Reading such fantastic posts & seeing such wonderful pictures about BSB concerts that have been attended really make me wish I could afford to go see them when they come to my state. Sigh.
For me, it shall be vicarious attendance!! (aka - I expect lots more good pictures & stories!)

Back to work with me.
I really wish they would finish installing the new radio antenna on the roof. Last week was a really long week, and yesterday & today haven't been much fun either. Because of *course* they're putting it up almost directly over where my office is. :/
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I've come to a very sad realization. It's not even the middle of August yet. I've been having a lot of trouble getting up out of bed when my alarm goes off. I've been going to bed at the same time as always, so I'm getting enough sleep. I've also noticed that there's not quite enough daylight to get by without a light.
Having to turn on a bedside light in the morning in order to see is the first sign that winter (& my dreaded S.A.D) is approaching.
Not being able to get up right away when my alarm goes off is another.
I suppose I could play denial and tell myself that the reason I've had trouble getting up all week was due to the uncanny coincidence that I was deep in dreamland each morning right when the alarm went off. But that wouldn't quite be the truth (it'd be close... a stretch of the truth more likely).
Sigh.
Soon I'm going to have to sit down in front of my lightbox for what seems like hours on end each morning. Though I have an appointment with my shrink in about 5 weeks from now. Evidently the 2.5 hours I topped out at with my lightbox last winter is a bit much. He feels that there might be other options to help me cope and not have to use the light box so much (ie - an antidepressant of some sort). I tried one last spring for Social Anxiety. It worked quite well, but once HTB & I started getting serious certain side effects became untolerable so after only a month or so on it I quit. Hopefully the dr will be able to find something tolerable that will keep me from having to use my light box so much.


The bicycle commute home was very nice. Not too warm or anything! It's so nice being able to get some exercise in. I have a really hard time finding time to exercise. I don't know what I'm going to do when the weather starts getting yucky & I have to spend extra time in the morning in front of my light box. I might not have the time to double my commute time by biking in (not to mention the energy/motivation to get out in the dark & wet rainy weather)!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Didn't manage to remember to record Justin on that Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. From what I read the only thing I missed was a few moments of him introducing an inductee. ::shrugs:: And as I scroll backwards in time, attempting to catch up I see I missed a VERY fine looking Justin! And I see Johnny was there with him, too.

Work's been super-crazy lately. I'm really loving it, though!

I've been doing my lightbox time at the kitchen table while I eat breakfast & read the paper. Which is nice, and enjoyable, but it does make it more difficult to keep up with LJ. Next week I'm down to 15 minutes, and the week after that, I'm DONE!!! Hurray!!!! Spring will be here next week!! And it'll be daylight savings time soon!! I like that bit... sort of. Daylight later in the evening & everything... but I like having the sun come up by 6:30am. Now it'll be all dark & everything when I get up. :( Eventually the sun'll get up when I get up, but I *hate* waiting for it. I wonder if the office would accept the dark mornings as a valid excuse for arriving late to work. 'Cause there's no good reason why I should get up before the sun. I did that once already this year. I HATE having to do it again once daylight savings time kicks in.

Happy news out of California re:gay marriages. Almost (and I do mean *almost*) gives me hope that within my lifetime I might see the legalization of gay marriage.
Time to try and catch up some more. Then it's time for Jeopardy (during which I will be a VERY good girl and unload the dishwasher while I listen). Then I *should* do all the dishes that've been piling up on my counter. The boyfriend's coming to visit this weekend. And while he won't arrive until after work on Friday, there are only so many evenings between now & then in which to tidy up!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
YAAAYY!

I have a job interview! :D It's with the local county district attorney's office. It looks like it'd be an interesting job. I'm very qualified for it (other than a minor element that the job posting says is desired), so I think I have a pretty good chance. The interview's a week from tomorrow. The only bad thing is that it's at 9am. I'll have to get up early so I can get my 2 hours of my lightbox done and still have enough time to get ready. I would've liked a later time, but when they say "our first available time for the day is at 9am" it looks bad if you say anything other than "Sure, that sounds great!" I'll live. I'll just whine about it a bunch first. :) About the timing of the interview, not the interview itself. I'm thrilled to have an interview!!!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Scanned back through my recent journal entries and realized I didn't share nearly enough about the wedding the boyfriend & I attended last week.

The boyfriend was asked to escort the bride's mother down the aisle and be an usher. I may have gotten all gooey inside and may have had a big smile on my face when he walked down the aisle in a nice suit with a candle-lighter (the big long metal kind they use in churches) to light all the candles up at the front (this was done alongside the 1 other usher). *g*

I haven't actually attended a wedding before (unless you count the time the boyfriend & I were witnesses to the boyfriend's brother & (now) sister-in-law's wedding in Reno). I hadn't seen a unity candle thing before. They had one, and it was really cool. It was very neat how each of the moms went up simultaneously at the beginning of the ceremony to light a candle and then the bride and groom each took 'their' candle to jointly light a candle in the middle. It was very nice.

The minister-person (I can't recall his exact 'title', as they're different in every religion/denomination), shared both the bride and the groom's reason for getting married. The groom's reason for getting married was because she completed him. The bride's reason was because he gave her security and stability. Um. ok...

And now, I suppose I've really & truly stalled long enough and I really, really should get some actual work done this morning.
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I mean, I don't have any kids, I don't have any significant outside-of-work commitments, and I can barely find the time to keep up with reading LJ, let alone post entries and make comments.
I just have no idea how people manage to do everything!

I suppose part of it is that I used to do my lightbox in front of my computer each morning, and recently I've begun doing the lightbox at the kitchen table. It just seems kind of rude for me to squirrel myself away in another room when there's another person in the house eating breakfast and wanting to spend time with me... not to mention the fact that I like waking up and spending my mornings with this particular person. :D It doesn't happen all the time, but it does on a fairly regular basis.
I could start my light in front of the computer, and then move it to the table when the aforementioned individual is awake. :) I'm such a creature of habit, even when I don't have company in the mornings, just because my lightbox is at the kitchen table, that's where I've been sitting down to use it.
I some of you have a spouse, a full-time job, a child (or more than one child), and still find time to post and comment and everything! At this point, I have no clue whatsoever as to how I would even be able to attempt such a thing.

I stayed home from work yesterday because I felt like crap. Then I felt guilty for staying home, because as long as I didn't have to move, or talk very much, or think, I felt ok. And yeah, just typing that out and reading it sounds insane, but I never claimed to be sane...
The good news is that I'm feeling better. I do not like being sick.

So, as a general FYI to all my lovely friends, I feel rather bad for my lack of communication recently... please do remember that even though I haven't yet figured out how to find time to comment (& post my own entries) on a regular basis, doesn't mean I'm not reading & keeping up (though it does seem to happen in spurts).
I keep thinking it might be time to trim my friendslist into something I can manage more easily, but I don't want to do that... I like reading about all you guys too much!
{{{hugs to all}}}
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I don't know if it's allowed for me to be awake enough before 7am that I'm getting antsy and tired of sitting still, but that's what happened. :) I woke up after nearly 8 hours of sleep, wanting to do *anything* but wake up and start my day. I forced myself out of bed, grabbed a caffienated substance (Diet Vanilla Pepsi, this time), plopped myself down in front of my computer, turned on my light box, and immediately started massive amounts of blinking and shielding my eyes. (that thing's damn bright). But, half an hour later, I can state with perfect honesty that I have no desire to crawl back into bed. I actually feel awake and like getting started with my day.

The only bad part about using the lightbox at the comptuer is it puts a horrendous glare on my computer screen. I didn't feel like fighting with it today, so I finished reading a book I started a day or two ago. It's by Katherine Kurtz & Deborah Turner Harris, "The Adept: Lodge of the Lynx". I really liked this series. I'm very bummed that they only made it 5 or 6 books long.

And now I *really* need to get my behind in gear, I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment in 45 minutes! While 7:30am appointments are very nice for not having to find time out of your workday to go to the doctor, they're way too damn early!
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
I don't like working out of the office. I don't have access to the internet during the day. :(
Now that I have that whine out of my system...

Let's see, the days are getting shorter, it's been nothing but heavy, dark rainclouds overhead for the last few days, and I'm having a difficult time in the mornings getting out of bed, waking up, and staying awake.

I managed to get out of bed without too much trouble, and I ate breakfast, not in front of my computer as I (almost) always do each and every morning, but the last couple of days I've been having breakfast at the kitchen table of all places! *g* I've been reading, and that side of the house apartment just happens to be east facing, so I get some nice morning sun that way.
Once I left my kitchen table, and what sun I was getting through the clouds, I got to work and am now looking out at a very dark and dreary sky. And I want nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep.

This all means one thing. S.A.D. season is here, and it's time to break out the light box. Unfortunately, it took my mom to remind me of this. She has SAD, too (it runs in families) and emailed me asking how I was doing with it and saying that she started on her light box yesterday with 30 minutes. I'm going to start mine tomorrow. Probably only 15 minutes, and see how I feel. By the time I get to the deepest depths of winter though, I'll probably be up to an hour and a half. (that's when I pull out the 2nd light box and leave it at the office, otherwise I have to get up at some ungodly hour in order to get that much time on the light box and still get to work by 8am).

Speaking of getting to work.... (physically, I'm at work, but I need to wake up and get ready to go work out of the office again).
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
Ugh! I hate mornings like this. (not that I like them all that much in any form, but this is the wost). The sun's not up yet, it's cloudy (so even if the sun *was* up, no light would be getting through), and though I woke up on my own 5 minutes before my alarm went off (which was 20 minutes ago at this point), and caffiene has (begun) to be consumed, I want nothing more than to crawl back into my bed and sleep for another 4 or 5 hours. I got plenty of sleep, too. The damn darkness is the only thing (I think) that's encouraging this urge to hibernate.
I'd break out my light box, but that's like giving up and admitting that summer's over. Though, my psychiatrist says that it's important to start the light box (at least a few minutes a day) before the SAD stuff gets bad, and before it even has a chance to take hold. I guess that means it'll be time to clear off my computer desk soon. Then I'll have a really good excuse for playing on the computer every morning. :)
rosebee: Adam Lambert touches the gauges/plugs in his ears (Default)
It's already gotten to that time of year when I have to get up before the sun's had a chance to brighten up the sky. I don't like doing that. Granted, when Daylight Savings Time goes away (in a few weeks?), the sun will once again get up before me (at least for a little while longer).

The sun should change its schedule so that it has enough time to make the sky nice & bright before I have to get up.

::nods::

Yes. It should do that. Because I said so.


Yesterday I got up at 6am, there were clouds gracing the eastern horizon, the light & fluff kind, not the dark rain-filled kind. The sun had just started to turn the underside of those clouds a very pretty combination of pinks & yellows.

This morning I got up at 6am, and there wasn't a hint of sunlight whatsoever. Just that light-gray color the sky turns at dawn before the sun's had a chance to get close enough to this corner of the globe to start painting a sunrise on the horizon.

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